I have been absent from my blog and social media for a few weeks and I thought it was time to share what’s been happening in my life and how I have been struggling.
The reason I am going to share such personal information with you is not because I want your sympathy but because I want you to know that I don’t always have things together. I may be a nutritionist but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deal with the same struggles as you when it comes to my eating and emotions. My life is far from perfect and I want you to see that side of things too as sometimes social media doesn’t always portray reality.
I became a nutritionist at 34 years of age but before that, 3 decades of my life were spent addicted to sugar, emotionally eating and never being satisfied with how I looked and all of those feelings have resurfaced recently. The reason for this is that my Uncle Dave in England fell very ill and has since passed away. He is very close to myself and my family so I flew home to see him while he was in hospital and feel very blessed to have had the chance to spend some quality time with him.
After my visit, I have gone through the roller coaster of emotions that comes with these times. Sadness of course for the loss of him, guilt because I haven’t been able to be with him throughout his lasts days and weeks and for not being able to help and support my family through this transition. As a result of these feelings I have been completely demotivated, my energy has been super low so the thought of even doing yoga has been too much (thank goodness for puppy Scout and his walks.)
My food has taken a turn for the worse, I have been eating for my emotions and really haven’t had any motivation to spend time in the kitchen. When I have it’s been getting in and out as quickly as possible. This has meant I have been reaching for comfort food alot which for me is gluten, dairy and sugar – all the things that have been out of my diet for so long and that my body negatively reacts to. Veggies have been on the bottom of the list of desires for me and I have been eating out or diving into the kids treat bags on a regular basis normally accompanied by a glass of wine!
On Friday I went out for dinner with the family and ate pretty well but then we got home and I took Bens leftover mac n cheese, went and hid in the bathroom upstairs and devoured half of it. I was sitting there on the toilet eating and it took me back to the many years prior where this had been a regular occurrence. I would always hide food and binge eat, I felt so guilty then as i did now. This was a turning point for me. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I have worked SO hard to become healthy again, not only in my body but also my mind and it shocked me how quickly I reverted to my old coping mechanisms.
Like I said, I don’t want your sympathy. I know this isn’t the happiest of blogs but it is important for me to share this with you. My passion is to help women who are where I have been, I want to help you rebuild your health and love for yourself. I know how crappy it can feel, I know how sad and guilty you can feel, I know how tired and stressed out you can feel. I have been there, just recently in fact as a BIG reminder.
As women, we need to hold each other up, support each other, send love to each other and let each other know that we are not alone. I am on this journey with you and if you need help I will hold your hand and guide you. As my friend Sarah calls us, “we are warriors baby.” Be strong, you are worth it, you are enough, you are loved.